How can I say that you haunt me without making it out to seem like I blame you for something. You don't haunt me in the sense that I hold you responsible for it, but it certainly does consume a lot of me. Still have not slept today. When I close my eyes, you're there. I pull them shut tighter, try and imagine other things... Just when I slowly start fading in to sleep... there you are again... only not just your face, your voice, your laugh, your lips, your eyes, your name... but this time, in this balanced mid point between conscious and unconscious, my desires for you come out. Physical desires... how it feels so real... some kind of erotic fantasy... one I feel my self slipping into, halfway there telling my self not to dream about it, how part of me is awake, knowing it's futile. That it's impossible to pull my self from you... even in my dream. Then by some either wicked or miraculous fate right in the middle of it all, the realness the (insert photographic imagery here) of it all, just in the middle of it all... I wake up... and funniest thing. I don't freak out over it... I just get upset at my self... like... "what the hell... how could you let that dream happen" and turn over to the other side, shut my eyes again... repeat the process... maybe I need to be super drugged up... wrapped up in one of those pretty little white jackets... in one of those soft cushiony spongey rooms... that's gotta be it... sometimes I wonder if I really do belong there...
Speaking from experience... I literally know what it's like to lose my mind. I've lost it before. If there's one thing I know, it's my mind. And I remember the feeling of not having it. Losing you... doing whatever it took to have you back. I remember the moment of feeling like it was just gone... and I remember the way I acted while it was gone, I think some of it just never made it's way back... but still... losing my mind for you, on top of everything else? That's gotta be a record right? Who else has gone so far as I have? I wonder... is there anyone out there who loves someone more than I love you? Enough to go further than I have? And I haven't even listed the half of what I've done or would do for you.
Still mind-boggled as to how this happened... how we lost "us". Just knowing deep down that the only logical answer is that we will find each other again some day.... but at the same time not holding my breath for logic to play a part in this prison we call life.
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Oh, noobie, noobie. Pretty white jacket and soft cushiony spongey room? You really think I'd let that happen to you.
Silly noobie :P