So it's time to discuss a very strange recent discovery. I know it's really weird. Way too weird to be anything more than coincidence... but I needed something to blog about... right... so...
I've noticed that when I'm walking, specifically past a group of birds (which happen to fly around all over and land near by looking for food, etc) that depending on how I'm feeling I get a different response from them. Their natural response since I've been big enough to walk and notice the little birdies is that they fly away if anyone gets too close. But something odd I've noticed. When I'm walking and I think of you... well... their reactions change... Most of the time I'm walking.. trying not to think about how much I miss everything about you. In those cases... the little birdies fly away... like they feel something wrong in me... but to finally talk about my strange discovery...
When I walk by the little birdies... and I think about all the things of you that make me happy... primarily your smile... the birdies just don't fly away. Weird, I know... but it's true.
This isn't some kind of metaphor for anything. What I say means what I say.
I'm not saying there's something scientific or even mystical about it. It's just weird... It's not just a one time thing. It's happened every time I've gone out. I might as well have studied it full time.
But anyway... part of me thinks it's just more proof of what you do to me. You make me feel.... pure... I guess... pure, blissful joy. Even something as simple as your smile. I wonder if that happening in me has any kind of effect on the little birdies... Probably not... like I said... it's just too weird to be anything other than coincidence... but it never fails to get my attention. Happens every time... I could step on the winged beasties if I had a mind to. They don't fly away at all.
But I don't... birdies are nice.
Lazy...
I'm too lazy to add another song today... as well as too lazy to discuss what all the previous songs mean to me. Maybe later today. Or perhaps tomorrow xD
Song 7 - Yellowcard: Only One
"Only One"
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one
Song 6 - Ryan Cabrera: True
"True"
I won't talk I won't breathe I won't move till you finally see That you belong with me You might think I don't look But deep inside the corner of my mind I'm attatched to you mmmm I'm weak, it's true Cause I'm afraid to know the answer Do you want me too? Cause my heart keeps falling faster [chorus] I've waited all my life to cross this line To the only thing that's true So I will not hide It's time to try anything to be with you All my life I've waited This is true You don't know what you do Everytime you walk into the room I'm afraid to move I'm weak, it's true I'm just scared to know the ending Do you see me too? Do you even know you met me? [Chorus] I've waited all my life to cross this line To the only thing thats true So I will not hide It's time to try anything to be with you All my life I've waited This is true I know when I go I'll be on my way to you The way that's true [chorus] I've waited all my life to cross this line To the only thing thats true So I will not hide It's time to try anything to be with you All my life I've waited
Song 5 - Lifehouse: You and Me
"You and Me"
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
Song 4 - Seether: Broken (feat. Amy Lee)
"Broken (feat. Amy Lee)"
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me, here anymore
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
[x2]
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me, here anymore
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
[x2]
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
Song 3 - Aladdin: A whole new world
I decided to go with the duet version of the lyrics.
"A whole new world"
ALADDIN:
I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid.
Tell me princess, now when did you last
Let your heart decide?
I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways, and under
On a magic carpet ride
A whole new world!
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming
JASMINE:
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But, now, from way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you!
JASMINE:
Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky
A whole new world!
ALADDIN:
Don't you dare close your eyes
JASMINE:
A hundred thousand things to see
ALADDIN:
Hold your breath--it gets better!
BOTH:
I'm like a shooting star,
I've come so far
JASMINE:
I can't go back to where I used to be!
ALADDIN:
A whole new world!
With new horizons to pursue
BOTH:
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
ALADDIN:
Let me share this whole new world with you
Oh, oh...
JASMINE:
A whole new world!
ALADDIN:
A whole new world!
A new fantastic point of view
BOTH:
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
JASMINE:
Or say we're only dreaming
ALADDIN:
A whole new world!
JASMINE:
Every turn a surprise
ALADDIN:
With new horizons to pursue
JASMINE:
Every moment, red-letter
BOTH:
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
JASMINE:
Anywhere,
ALADDIN:
There's time to spare
JASMINE:
Let me share
ALADDIN:
This whole new world with you
JASMINE:
You...
A whole new world
ALADDIN:
A whole new world
JASMINE:
That's where we'll be
ALADDIN:
Where we will be
JASMINE:
A thrilling chase
ALADDIN:
A wondrous place
BOTH:
For you and me!
"A whole new world"
ALADDIN:
I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid.
Tell me princess, now when did you last
Let your heart decide?
I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways, and under
On a magic carpet ride
A whole new world!
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming
JASMINE:
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But, now, from way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you!
JASMINE:
Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky
A whole new world!
ALADDIN:
Don't you dare close your eyes
JASMINE:
A hundred thousand things to see
ALADDIN:
Hold your breath--it gets better!
BOTH:
I'm like a shooting star,
I've come so far
JASMINE:
I can't go back to where I used to be!
ALADDIN:
A whole new world!
With new horizons to pursue
BOTH:
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
ALADDIN:
Let me share this whole new world with you
Oh, oh...
JASMINE:
A whole new world!
ALADDIN:
A whole new world!
A new fantastic point of view
BOTH:
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
JASMINE:
Or say we're only dreaming
ALADDIN:
A whole new world!
JASMINE:
Every turn a surprise
ALADDIN:
With new horizons to pursue
JASMINE:
Every moment, red-letter
BOTH:
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
JASMINE:
Anywhere,
ALADDIN:
There's time to spare
JASMINE:
Let me share
ALADDIN:
This whole new world with you
JASMINE:
You...
A whole new world
ALADDIN:
A whole new world
JASMINE:
That's where we'll be
ALADDIN:
Where we will be
JASMINE:
A thrilling chase
ALADDIN:
A wondrous place
BOTH:
For you and me!
Song 2 - Final Fantasy VIII (Faye Wong): Eyes on me
"Eyes on me"
Whenever (I) sang my song On the stage, on my own Whenever (I) said my words Wishing they would be heard I saw you smiling at me Was it real or just my fantasy? You'd always be there in the corner Of this tiny little bar My last night here for you Same old songs, just once more My last night here with you? Maybe yes, maybe no I kind of liked it your way How you shyly placed your eyes on me Did you ever know That I had mine on you? Darling, so there you are With that look on your face As if you're never hurt As if you're never down Shall I be the one for you Who pinches you softly but sure If frown is shown then I'll know that you are no dreamer So let me come to you Close as I want to be Close enough for me To feel your heart beating fast And stay there as I whisper How I love your peaceful eyes on me Did you ever know That I had mine on you? Darling, so share with me Your love if you have enough Your tears if you're holding back Or pain if that's what it is How can I let you know I'm more than the dress and the voice Just reach me out then You will know that you're not dreaming Darling, so there you are With that look on your face As if you're never hurt As if you're never down Shall I be the one for you Who pinches you softly but sure If frown is shown then I will know that you are no dreamer
Song 1 - Edwin McCain: I'll Be
"I'll Be"
The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.
[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive -- not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
[Chorus]
And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead.
I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said
[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your...
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
The greatest fan of your life.
...greatest fan of your life.
The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.
[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive -- not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
[Chorus]
And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead.
I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said
[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your...
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
The greatest fan of your life.
...greatest fan of your life.
Song Month...
Figured I'd do something "speshul", yes I know it's spelled special... for April. Among all the normal posts I'll hopefully be making, I want to make it a point to randomly share the lyrics to songs that mean something to me. So if you see random posts with random lyrics, that's what it will be. I'd say one song a day... but I'm probably not gonna be that dedicated... or... I'm probably not that not lazy... if that makes sense. Anyway... starting in April... look back for songs that have special meaning to me. That is all...
Rawr.
Rawr.
Haunted
How can I say that you haunt me without making it out to seem like I blame you for something. You don't haunt me in the sense that I hold you responsible for it, but it certainly does consume a lot of me. Still have not slept today. When I close my eyes, you're there. I pull them shut tighter, try and imagine other things... Just when I slowly start fading in to sleep... there you are again... only not just your face, your voice, your laugh, your lips, your eyes, your name... but this time, in this balanced mid point between conscious and unconscious, my desires for you come out. Physical desires... how it feels so real... some kind of erotic fantasy... one I feel my self slipping into, halfway there telling my self not to dream about it, how part of me is awake, knowing it's futile. That it's impossible to pull my self from you... even in my dream. Then by some either wicked or miraculous fate right in the middle of it all, the realness the (insert photographic imagery here) of it all, just in the middle of it all... I wake up... and funniest thing. I don't freak out over it... I just get upset at my self... like... "what the hell... how could you let that dream happen" and turn over to the other side, shut my eyes again... repeat the process... maybe I need to be super drugged up... wrapped up in one of those pretty little white jackets... in one of those soft cushiony spongey rooms... that's gotta be it... sometimes I wonder if I really do belong there...
Speaking from experience... I literally know what it's like to lose my mind. I've lost it before. If there's one thing I know, it's my mind. And I remember the feeling of not having it. Losing you... doing whatever it took to have you back. I remember the moment of feeling like it was just gone... and I remember the way I acted while it was gone, I think some of it just never made it's way back... but still... losing my mind for you, on top of everything else? That's gotta be a record right? Who else has gone so far as I have? I wonder... is there anyone out there who loves someone more than I love you? Enough to go further than I have? And I haven't even listed the half of what I've done or would do for you.
Still mind-boggled as to how this happened... how we lost "us". Just knowing deep down that the only logical answer is that we will find each other again some day.... but at the same time not holding my breath for logic to play a part in this prison we call life.
Speaking from experience... I literally know what it's like to lose my mind. I've lost it before. If there's one thing I know, it's my mind. And I remember the feeling of not having it. Losing you... doing whatever it took to have you back. I remember the moment of feeling like it was just gone... and I remember the way I acted while it was gone, I think some of it just never made it's way back... but still... losing my mind for you, on top of everything else? That's gotta be a record right? Who else has gone so far as I have? I wonder... is there anyone out there who loves someone more than I love you? Enough to go further than I have? And I haven't even listed the half of what I've done or would do for you.
Still mind-boggled as to how this happened... how we lost "us". Just knowing deep down that the only logical answer is that we will find each other again some day.... but at the same time not holding my breath for logic to play a part in this prison we call life.
Why...
Why does emotional pain attack the heart? Why can't it just give me a major headache. Or just take one of my arms, or a leg. 3:30 AM and what a surprise... thinking of you.
Almost out of meds so trying to stretch it out... make it last. Didn't take em tonight, so now I'm up at 3:30 AM, crying. Funny thing is that the tears are just draining out, as if I just yawned. I feel the pain, but the tears seem to come out on their own like they know it's expected of them to do. Usually crying involves having a reason, a sadness, but this time they just seem to be coming just cause it's what they are supposed to do...
Whatever...
Laying here in bed... longing for you like a bad romantic fairy tale. For your voice, for your laugh, for your smile, for your attention, for your approval of "us". Wishing you would see that if we were once again "us" that nothing would change it no matter what. That I would promise you to make you mine always and always be yours. That I'd appreciate you for the beautiful creature you are each and every day. And if I could I'd kiss those lips every chance I got. I just want to hold your hand, and watch the people pass by. People... I suppose I should say the blurs.... the way you make everything around me feel imaginary. How when my focus is on you everything else literally fades away... and all I feel in existence is you and me. I wonder if you even really know how damn much I love you. If you ever believed it truly. I can't stop wanting you. It hurts. The emotional pain of it all hurts so much that it causes physical pain towards my heart... that's gotta mean something...
But I'll continue to let you live your life. As long as you are happy, I'm happy... as can be I suppose. I wish I could make you promise me that you'd live a pure and clean and happy and perfectly wonderfully blissfully happy life. One I know I could give you. But I don't even have that luxury... of knowing where you'll end up. I know you're capable of making it somewhere good. Just make sure whoever you take with you is capable of appreciating everything that you are to the fullest. Considering I literally care more about you in every scenario than I do my self, I could say that I would. I'd sacrifice it all to make you eternally happy.
I really miss you... longing for you... and... desiring you... doesn't really help the cause either.
Too bad those words are probably too graphic for this blog... and too personal... too bad... I'd like to be able to express them out in the open. Preferably to you, but that's out of the question... obviously.
I think of you every moment of every day. Literally. If I'm lying, may I die right this moment. No exaggerating, no lying. Literally every moment of every day... I wish if you could see that that it would mean something to you... that it would influence you positively. I don't know. I love you, and I love you, and have I mentioned that I love you?
Love is ethereal, and ours is so immense. It would be enough to keep us together for lifetimes to come. There may be other factors in a relationship... but what we share for each other... what we are to each other... is more than enough to be our glue. I know that you know that... or at least you did... Which is why I just don't understand why you don't let that be true...
I'm rambling... I love you beyond words, beyond being able to fully express how much I love you. Just know that.
Good Night.
Almost out of meds so trying to stretch it out... make it last. Didn't take em tonight, so now I'm up at 3:30 AM, crying. Funny thing is that the tears are just draining out, as if I just yawned. I feel the pain, but the tears seem to come out on their own like they know it's expected of them to do. Usually crying involves having a reason, a sadness, but this time they just seem to be coming just cause it's what they are supposed to do...
Whatever...
Laying here in bed... longing for you like a bad romantic fairy tale. For your voice, for your laugh, for your smile, for your attention, for your approval of "us". Wishing you would see that if we were once again "us" that nothing would change it no matter what. That I would promise you to make you mine always and always be yours. That I'd appreciate you for the beautiful creature you are each and every day. And if I could I'd kiss those lips every chance I got. I just want to hold your hand, and watch the people pass by. People... I suppose I should say the blurs.... the way you make everything around me feel imaginary. How when my focus is on you everything else literally fades away... and all I feel in existence is you and me. I wonder if you even really know how damn much I love you. If you ever believed it truly. I can't stop wanting you. It hurts. The emotional pain of it all hurts so much that it causes physical pain towards my heart... that's gotta mean something...
But I'll continue to let you live your life. As long as you are happy, I'm happy... as can be I suppose. I wish I could make you promise me that you'd live a pure and clean and happy and perfectly wonderfully blissfully happy life. One I know I could give you. But I don't even have that luxury... of knowing where you'll end up. I know you're capable of making it somewhere good. Just make sure whoever you take with you is capable of appreciating everything that you are to the fullest. Considering I literally care more about you in every scenario than I do my self, I could say that I would. I'd sacrifice it all to make you eternally happy.
I really miss you... longing for you... and... desiring you... doesn't really help the cause either.
Too bad those words are probably too graphic for this blog... and too personal... too bad... I'd like to be able to express them out in the open. Preferably to you, but that's out of the question... obviously.
I think of you every moment of every day. Literally. If I'm lying, may I die right this moment. No exaggerating, no lying. Literally every moment of every day... I wish if you could see that that it would mean something to you... that it would influence you positively. I don't know. I love you, and I love you, and have I mentioned that I love you?
Love is ethereal, and ours is so immense. It would be enough to keep us together for lifetimes to come. There may be other factors in a relationship... but what we share for each other... what we are to each other... is more than enough to be our glue. I know that you know that... or at least you did... Which is why I just don't understand why you don't let that be true...
I'm rambling... I love you beyond words, beyond being able to fully express how much I love you. Just know that.
Good Night.
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