Figured I'd do something "speshul", yes I know it's spelled special... for April. Among all the normal posts I'll hopefully be making, I want to make it a point to randomly share the lyrics to songs that mean something to me. So if you see random posts with random lyrics, that's what it will be. I'd say one song a day... but I'm probably not gonna be that dedicated... or... I'm probably not that not lazy... if that makes sense. Anyway... starting in April... look back for songs that have special meaning to me. That is all...
Rawr.
Haunted
How can I say that you haunt me without making it out to seem like I blame you for something. You don't haunt me in the sense that I hold you responsible for it, but it certainly does consume a lot of me. Still have not slept today. When I close my eyes, you're there. I pull them shut tighter, try and imagine other things... Just when I slowly start fading in to sleep... there you are again... only not just your face, your voice, your laugh, your lips, your eyes, your name... but this time, in this balanced mid point between conscious and unconscious, my desires for you come out. Physical desires... how it feels so real... some kind of erotic fantasy... one I feel my self slipping into, halfway there telling my self not to dream about it, how part of me is awake, knowing it's futile. That it's impossible to pull my self from you... even in my dream. Then by some either wicked or miraculous fate right in the middle of it all, the realness the (insert photographic imagery here) of it all, just in the middle of it all... I wake up... and funniest thing. I don't freak out over it... I just get upset at my self... like... "what the hell... how could you let that dream happen" and turn over to the other side, shut my eyes again... repeat the process... maybe I need to be super drugged up... wrapped up in one of those pretty little white jackets... in one of those soft cushiony spongey rooms... that's gotta be it... sometimes I wonder if I really do belong there...
Speaking from experience... I literally know what it's like to lose my mind. I've lost it before. If there's one thing I know, it's my mind. And I remember the feeling of not having it. Losing you... doing whatever it took to have you back. I remember the moment of feeling like it was just gone... and I remember the way I acted while it was gone, I think some of it just never made it's way back... but still... losing my mind for you, on top of everything else? That's gotta be a record right? Who else has gone so far as I have? I wonder... is there anyone out there who loves someone more than I love you? Enough to go further than I have? And I haven't even listed the half of what I've done or would do for you.
Still mind-boggled as to how this happened... how we lost "us". Just knowing deep down that the only logical answer is that we will find each other again some day.... but at the same time not holding my breath for logic to play a part in this prison we call life.
Speaking from experience... I literally know what it's like to lose my mind. I've lost it before. If there's one thing I know, it's my mind. And I remember the feeling of not having it. Losing you... doing whatever it took to have you back. I remember the moment of feeling like it was just gone... and I remember the way I acted while it was gone, I think some of it just never made it's way back... but still... losing my mind for you, on top of everything else? That's gotta be a record right? Who else has gone so far as I have? I wonder... is there anyone out there who loves someone more than I love you? Enough to go further than I have? And I haven't even listed the half of what I've done or would do for you.
Still mind-boggled as to how this happened... how we lost "us". Just knowing deep down that the only logical answer is that we will find each other again some day.... but at the same time not holding my breath for logic to play a part in this prison we call life.
Why...
Why does emotional pain attack the heart? Why can't it just give me a major headache. Or just take one of my arms, or a leg. 3:30 AM and what a surprise... thinking of you.
Almost out of meds so trying to stretch it out... make it last. Didn't take em tonight, so now I'm up at 3:30 AM, crying. Funny thing is that the tears are just draining out, as if I just yawned. I feel the pain, but the tears seem to come out on their own like they know it's expected of them to do. Usually crying involves having a reason, a sadness, but this time they just seem to be coming just cause it's what they are supposed to do...
Whatever...
Laying here in bed... longing for you like a bad romantic fairy tale. For your voice, for your laugh, for your smile, for your attention, for your approval of "us". Wishing you would see that if we were once again "us" that nothing would change it no matter what. That I would promise you to make you mine always and always be yours. That I'd appreciate you for the beautiful creature you are each and every day. And if I could I'd kiss those lips every chance I got. I just want to hold your hand, and watch the people pass by. People... I suppose I should say the blurs.... the way you make everything around me feel imaginary. How when my focus is on you everything else literally fades away... and all I feel in existence is you and me. I wonder if you even really know how damn much I love you. If you ever believed it truly. I can't stop wanting you. It hurts. The emotional pain of it all hurts so much that it causes physical pain towards my heart... that's gotta mean something...
But I'll continue to let you live your life. As long as you are happy, I'm happy... as can be I suppose. I wish I could make you promise me that you'd live a pure and clean and happy and perfectly wonderfully blissfully happy life. One I know I could give you. But I don't even have that luxury... of knowing where you'll end up. I know you're capable of making it somewhere good. Just make sure whoever you take with you is capable of appreciating everything that you are to the fullest. Considering I literally care more about you in every scenario than I do my self, I could say that I would. I'd sacrifice it all to make you eternally happy.
I really miss you... longing for you... and... desiring you... doesn't really help the cause either.
Too bad those words are probably too graphic for this blog... and too personal... too bad... I'd like to be able to express them out in the open. Preferably to you, but that's out of the question... obviously.
I think of you every moment of every day. Literally. If I'm lying, may I die right this moment. No exaggerating, no lying. Literally every moment of every day... I wish if you could see that that it would mean something to you... that it would influence you positively. I don't know. I love you, and I love you, and have I mentioned that I love you?
Love is ethereal, and ours is so immense. It would be enough to keep us together for lifetimes to come. There may be other factors in a relationship... but what we share for each other... what we are to each other... is more than enough to be our glue. I know that you know that... or at least you did... Which is why I just don't understand why you don't let that be true...
I'm rambling... I love you beyond words, beyond being able to fully express how much I love you. Just know that.
Good Night.
Almost out of meds so trying to stretch it out... make it last. Didn't take em tonight, so now I'm up at 3:30 AM, crying. Funny thing is that the tears are just draining out, as if I just yawned. I feel the pain, but the tears seem to come out on their own like they know it's expected of them to do. Usually crying involves having a reason, a sadness, but this time they just seem to be coming just cause it's what they are supposed to do...
Whatever...
Laying here in bed... longing for you like a bad romantic fairy tale. For your voice, for your laugh, for your smile, for your attention, for your approval of "us". Wishing you would see that if we were once again "us" that nothing would change it no matter what. That I would promise you to make you mine always and always be yours. That I'd appreciate you for the beautiful creature you are each and every day. And if I could I'd kiss those lips every chance I got. I just want to hold your hand, and watch the people pass by. People... I suppose I should say the blurs.... the way you make everything around me feel imaginary. How when my focus is on you everything else literally fades away... and all I feel in existence is you and me. I wonder if you even really know how damn much I love you. If you ever believed it truly. I can't stop wanting you. It hurts. The emotional pain of it all hurts so much that it causes physical pain towards my heart... that's gotta mean something...
But I'll continue to let you live your life. As long as you are happy, I'm happy... as can be I suppose. I wish I could make you promise me that you'd live a pure and clean and happy and perfectly wonderfully blissfully happy life. One I know I could give you. But I don't even have that luxury... of knowing where you'll end up. I know you're capable of making it somewhere good. Just make sure whoever you take with you is capable of appreciating everything that you are to the fullest. Considering I literally care more about you in every scenario than I do my self, I could say that I would. I'd sacrifice it all to make you eternally happy.
I really miss you... longing for you... and... desiring you... doesn't really help the cause either.
Too bad those words are probably too graphic for this blog... and too personal... too bad... I'd like to be able to express them out in the open. Preferably to you, but that's out of the question... obviously.
I think of you every moment of every day. Literally. If I'm lying, may I die right this moment. No exaggerating, no lying. Literally every moment of every day... I wish if you could see that that it would mean something to you... that it would influence you positively. I don't know. I love you, and I love you, and have I mentioned that I love you?
Love is ethereal, and ours is so immense. It would be enough to keep us together for lifetimes to come. There may be other factors in a relationship... but what we share for each other... what we are to each other... is more than enough to be our glue. I know that you know that... or at least you did... Which is why I just don't understand why you don't let that be true...
I'm rambling... I love you beyond words, beyond being able to fully express how much I love you. Just know that.
Good Night.
What If...
I was thinking... that's all I do. It never stops; and I wondered What if I made a list of all the what if's that I play out in my head every day. Day after day.
What if we had met face to face and not online?
What if you lived here and we lived our lives in an integrated manner, where we know where the other is going and know at the end of the day we'll be home with each other.
What if I lived there and could see you as much as I wished.
What if I had gotten to kiss your lips...
What if we actually had the opportunity to... go further than kissing... would it go anywhere.
What if I had told everybody I love you right off the bat.
What if I wasn't so scared of hurting you from the very beginning and just accepted how much I need you.
What if you had agreed to marry me.
What if you would spend the rest of your life with me, til the day one of us dies.
What if you would be the mother of my children.
What if I had gotten the opportunity to feel you close.
What if I had never hurt you like I did... unintentionally while only trying to protect you.
What if I just let my self tell you what you really mean to me.
What if we lived together in a little apartment together. Just you and me.
What if we were freshly married and perfectly happy.
What if I could watch you sleep by my side at night.
What if I had the opportunity to smell your perfume face to face.
What if I could continue to tell you how much I love you every single day like I used to.
What if I could finally convince you of how beautiful you really are.
What if I could really show you how sexy you are to me; without disrespecting you of course.
What if I could feel hold you close against me; feel your hair on my face; smell your perfume; feel your touch; hold you closer than close.
What if you had gotten the chance to surprise me and visit here like you planned.
What if we could sit on a bench together, an old couple, still as in love as ever.
What if we could watch our children playing together.
What if on my bus rides where I sit there thinking of you, you were there with me, and I could stare into your eyes, and kiss your lips, and say "screw you" to people who complain about Public Display of Affection. It bothers me, but not if I'd be the one displaying ;).
What if I could hold you... have I already used this one?
What if we weren't scared of us and just told the world that we'd make it no matter what.
What if I could tell everyone and even everything, that I was engaged to you, that one day youd be my beautiful bride, and eventually my wife.
What if we had never lostus.
What if we were still together, and still more adamant about making it to the end with each other.
What if love prevails in the end; what if I was lucky enough to be with you forever.
What if regardless of complications we were just together.
What if I had the chance to meet you.
What if I had more time to write more what if's... will add more later.
These thoughts that cycle over and over in my head day in and day out, and that only being the tip of the iceberg... gotta edit later...
What if we had met face to face and not online?
What if you lived here and we lived our lives in an integrated manner, where we know where the other is going and know at the end of the day we'll be home with each other.
What if I lived there and could see you as much as I wished.
What if I had gotten to kiss your lips...
What if we actually had the opportunity to... go further than kissing... would it go anywhere.
What if I had told everybody I love you right off the bat.
What if I wasn't so scared of hurting you from the very beginning and just accepted how much I need you.
What if you had agreed to marry me.
What if you would spend the rest of your life with me, til the day one of us dies.
What if you would be the mother of my children.
What if I had gotten the opportunity to feel you close.
What if I had never hurt you like I did... unintentionally while only trying to protect you.
What if I just let my self tell you what you really mean to me.
What if we lived together in a little apartment together. Just you and me.
What if we were freshly married and perfectly happy.
What if I could watch you sleep by my side at night.
What if I had the opportunity to smell your perfume face to face.
What if I could continue to tell you how much I love you every single day like I used to.
What if I could finally convince you of how beautiful you really are.
What if I could really show you how sexy you are to me; without disrespecting you of course.
What if I could feel hold you close against me; feel your hair on my face; smell your perfume; feel your touch; hold you closer than close.
What if you had gotten the chance to surprise me and visit here like you planned.
What if we could sit on a bench together, an old couple, still as in love as ever.
What if we could watch our children playing together.
What if on my bus rides where I sit there thinking of you, you were there with me, and I could stare into your eyes, and kiss your lips, and say "screw you" to people who complain about Public Display of Affection. It bothers me, but not if I'd be the one displaying ;).
What if I could hold you... have I already used this one?
What if we weren't scared of us and just told the world that we'd make it no matter what.
What if I could tell everyone and even everything, that I was engaged to you, that one day youd be my beautiful bride, and eventually my wife.
What if we had never lost
What if we were still together, and still more adamant about making it to the end with each other.
What if love prevails in the end; what if I was lucky enough to be with you forever.
What if regardless of complications we were just together.
What if I had the chance to meet you.
What if I had more time to write more what if's... will add more later.
These thoughts that cycle over and over in my head day in and day out, and that only being the tip of the iceberg... gotta edit later...
More Blah Blah Blah
I miss you. You know who I mean. Even if you aren't actually reading this, and I'm sure you aren't. I love you. After all that's happened, you still remain the number one priority of my heart. Although you love me, there's something in you that doesn't want us to be together. After all that was said, all that was exchanged about being soul mates, about being perfect for one another. All that was exchanged about always being there for one another, always loving each other, always wanting to make the other perfectly happy.
"If it all fell apart, I'd know deep in my heart, that the only thing that mattered had come true... In this life, I was loved by you."
It's odd how a statement like that can be so true and yet so wrong at the same time. Truth is that there is no one in this world who is good enough to deserve your love. You're a special being. A magical soul. I hate that you never saw that in your self. That even now you fight to believe that you are as special as you really are. That you believe you are the average Joe, when you are the equivalent in pureness of an Angel. All the love you gave me will never be forgotten. A love I never deserved. You are the most soothing and intoxicating soul I have ever come across.
That all aside, the statement doesn't seem to account for one thing. The pain. I truly do love you so much and want to see you perfectly happy, no matter the cause to my self. But standing by, idly, just watching you slip further and further away. Knowing I'll most likely never even get to meet you. Knowing I'll never get to know your touch, your smell, your... taste. When you mean as much to me as you do, and I did nothing wrong in allowing my self to feel this love. Being scared of what might happen if I did. Knowing how I always felt this way for you. Finally opening up just when my guard was down. Finally accepting how much I love you, Just when I thought nothing could tear us apart. That there was no way we'd ever be parted.
Then it all went downhill.
Although you'll never read this. I just want you to know that I love you. I always have. I know I've told you a kazillion times. It's too bad I never got to tell you face to face. I will always love you in ways most people can't even begin to imagine. And while every day that passes hurts and I become better and better at faking my feelings, I stay hoping that you are happy. That wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whoever you may be with... that you are safe, and happy.
You have my heart with you. Whether you acknowledge it or not. You always will. Be free to continue your life and find joys and happiness in your path. But for me, No one will ever take your place. People like to talk sometimes about things as if they are a million percent sure. Well about this, I am. I don't want anyone else. If I can't have you, then I won't have anyone. I love you too much. I'm not just madly in love or having trouble letting go. The truth is that I can't. You ARE my soulmate, my other half. The only difference with this part of the fairy tale is that a fairy tale isn't real life. True love doesn't seem to want to prevail the way it does in stories. It will always be there for us, but it doesn't seem like it necessarily means that there will be a happy ending.
I believe I am the one person who can treat you perfectly. Who can make you smile and bring you an endless joy... the way you do for me.
The mere thought of you stands up the hair on my arms. I can't get over the fact that I may never get to know you. To be with you.
But...
I do hope you find happiness. Even if I lose you in the process. I won't understand why I'm forced to feel this pain when I'm doing my best to accept things. It only further enforces my belief that maybe one day I'll have you back. Or else it just means that life sucks, and is severely unfair. But as long as you are happy, my love, I'll continue to fight... To do my best to be as strong as I can be for those around me.
I hate to quote my self on something I've said an innumerable amount of times, but I will always be here for you, no matter what. I love you. My sweet, sweet love. My world. My all. Perhaps we will be together. If not in this life, then who knows, maybe that whole past life, nother life thing actually happens. And maybe we've already been lovers. Maybe this was just an unlucky bump in our eternity together. Maybe in a future life you will be mine again.
Take care of your self, my love.
Always and Forever yours, and only yours.
"If it all fell apart, I'd know deep in my heart, that the only thing that mattered had come true... In this life, I was loved by you."
It's odd how a statement like that can be so true and yet so wrong at the same time. Truth is that there is no one in this world who is good enough to deserve your love. You're a special being. A magical soul. I hate that you never saw that in your self. That even now you fight to believe that you are as special as you really are. That you believe you are the average Joe, when you are the equivalent in pureness of an Angel. All the love you gave me will never be forgotten. A love I never deserved. You are the most soothing and intoxicating soul I have ever come across.
That all aside, the statement doesn't seem to account for one thing. The pain. I truly do love you so much and want to see you perfectly happy, no matter the cause to my self. But standing by, idly, just watching you slip further and further away. Knowing I'll most likely never even get to meet you. Knowing I'll never get to know your touch, your smell, your... taste. When you mean as much to me as you do, and I did nothing wrong in allowing my self to feel this love. Being scared of what might happen if I did. Knowing how I always felt this way for you. Finally opening up just when my guard was down. Finally accepting how much I love you, Just when I thought nothing could tear us apart. That there was no way we'd ever be parted.
Then it all went downhill.
Although you'll never read this. I just want you to know that I love you. I always have. I know I've told you a kazillion times. It's too bad I never got to tell you face to face. I will always love you in ways most people can't even begin to imagine. And while every day that passes hurts and I become better and better at faking my feelings, I stay hoping that you are happy. That wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whoever you may be with... that you are safe, and happy.
You have my heart with you. Whether you acknowledge it or not. You always will. Be free to continue your life and find joys and happiness in your path. But for me, No one will ever take your place. People like to talk sometimes about things as if they are a million percent sure. Well about this, I am. I don't want anyone else. If I can't have you, then I won't have anyone. I love you too much. I'm not just madly in love or having trouble letting go. The truth is that I can't. You ARE my soulmate, my other half. The only difference with this part of the fairy tale is that a fairy tale isn't real life. True love doesn't seem to want to prevail the way it does in stories. It will always be there for us, but it doesn't seem like it necessarily means that there will be a happy ending.
I believe I am the one person who can treat you perfectly. Who can make you smile and bring you an endless joy... the way you do for me.
The mere thought of you stands up the hair on my arms. I can't get over the fact that I may never get to know you. To be with you.
But...
I do hope you find happiness. Even if I lose you in the process. I won't understand why I'm forced to feel this pain when I'm doing my best to accept things. It only further enforces my belief that maybe one day I'll have you back. Or else it just means that life sucks, and is severely unfair. But as long as you are happy, my love, I'll continue to fight... To do my best to be as strong as I can be for those around me.
I hate to quote my self on something I've said an innumerable amount of times, but I will always be here for you, no matter what. I love you. My sweet, sweet love. My world. My all. Perhaps we will be together. If not in this life, then who knows, maybe that whole past life, nother life thing actually happens. And maybe we've already been lovers. Maybe this was just an unlucky bump in our eternity together. Maybe in a future life you will be mine again.
Take care of your self, my love.
Always and Forever yours, and only yours.
First official blog; Volim Te
Right off the bat I'll let you know what the theme is so you can decide to continue reading or click away. I figure what better for me to talk about something that has had a lot of influence in my life - Love. So for those of you who hate love, as well as those of you who love hate, well, feel free to run away screaming.
For starters, I don't consider my self an expert on the field as I know that there are as many different views on love as there are souls on this earth. So, if you find my opinion on the matter too strong or too self assuming, it's not cause I'm trying to be. It's never that way. I'll just be speaking what's on my mind. Why not? I mean... that's what these places are for right?
Well, with all that out of the way I guess I'll just start by saying what love is (to me, of course). It's not really simple to just pick anywhere to start, so sorry for the random assortment of things.
For the sake of simplicity I'll just say that there are 2 main kinds of love.
-The love for someone in your life, the general desire for that person to be happy, the feeling of knowing someone else means so much to you that you'd go so far to assure they are alright. We'll call this love A
-The love where that other someone makes your life perfect. The stuff of fairy tales. I believe it exists not because I'm a dreamer, but because I've experienced it. We'll call this love 36... no just kidding, we'll call it love B.
Love A exists among an individual and all other individuals close to them in their life. Well, I suppose it doesn't always envelope all the people close to them in the life, but it will certainly always apply to those special few.
Love B, and call me old fashioned all you want, exist between two souls, a perfect bond, where against all odds, and all worries, the love shines through. The desire to see the other person happy no matter the cost. You might notice the scale tip in a bit in Love B's favor. I guess I just have a lot more on my mind at the moment to do with this love. The desire to be the perfect person for who you consider to be your better half. No matter what happens at all, give me any scenario, you'll still care more for that person than anything else in existence combined. They are the foundation of every thought in your head. Although not biologically true, they are the reason for your every breath. Things like that only make sense to someone who has experienced it. This love has the ability to make that other person more valuable than anything you can come up with in your head. This love makes the other person perfect to you, even when you know that no one is ever truly perfect. In my case, it's the love that makes me see how she is the most perfectly beautiful woman in the world. It's the love that makes me want to tell her every second of every day how much of a queen she is to me. How you have the ability to feel their soul, when only speaking intimately with them. To have the, be the purest source of joy and goodness, warmth in all of existence. The one that warms your heart. The one that stirs your soul. The one that makes your heart beat at the most illogical rhythm imaginable. To feel your heart beat faster than moments can pass while at the same time slower than just before not beating. The love that is on your mind the very moment of every day that you wake up. A love that you would do anything to have. A love that you know you could be the perfect person to, and for.
Love A, again, where you literally care about the person in such a way that you can really feel your heart react to the thoughts of how much that person means to you.
Well, I happen to have come across that special person in my life who brings out the fullest potential of both of these types of love in my life. And to add to my luck, she loves me in the same way.
However, to debate my position on hating life, I offer the fact that I no longer have her. No longer have her to tell her I love her every day. I see her so infrequently and miss her every moment of every day. The kicker; she still loves me. But somehow, for some reason, we just can't be together. I can't ever get her off my mind. I wouldn't call it obsession either. She means more than I can possibly state in a sentence with the use of humanistic vocabulary. I hate not having her, but overall I just want her happiness to shine through first. To have her perfectly happy every day. To know that she goes to bed and wakes up with a smile on her face. For her to be treated with all the love and respect in the world and never be let forgotten of how wondrous and amazing she really is. Putting on a mask is something she's done her whole life for many different reasons, and here I am, struggling to keep the thing on each and every day as they pass.
Please, if you've read this, don't try to offer any kind of advice about it or anything. Just take it for what it is. Offer your opinion on the blog, but not on my life, please, at least not this time. Hope it was worth the read.
For starters, I don't consider my self an expert on the field as I know that there are as many different views on love as there are souls on this earth. So, if you find my opinion on the matter too strong or too self assuming, it's not cause I'm trying to be. It's never that way. I'll just be speaking what's on my mind. Why not? I mean... that's what these places are for right?
Well, with all that out of the way I guess I'll just start by saying what love is (to me, of course). It's not really simple to just pick anywhere to start, so sorry for the random assortment of things.
For the sake of simplicity I'll just say that there are 2 main kinds of love.
-The love for someone in your life, the general desire for that person to be happy, the feeling of knowing someone else means so much to you that you'd go so far to assure they are alright. We'll call this love A
-The love where that other someone makes your life perfect. The stuff of fairy tales. I believe it exists not because I'm a dreamer, but because I've experienced it. We'll call this love 36... no just kidding, we'll call it love B.
Love A exists among an individual and all other individuals close to them in their life. Well, I suppose it doesn't always envelope all the people close to them in the life, but it will certainly always apply to those special few.
Love B, and call me old fashioned all you want, exist between two souls, a perfect bond, where against all odds, and all worries, the love shines through. The desire to see the other person happy no matter the cost. You might notice the scale tip in a bit in Love B's favor. I guess I just have a lot more on my mind at the moment to do with this love. The desire to be the perfect person for who you consider to be your better half. No matter what happens at all, give me any scenario, you'll still care more for that person than anything else in existence combined. They are the foundation of every thought in your head. Although not biologically true, they are the reason for your every breath. Things like that only make sense to someone who has experienced it. This love has the ability to make that other person more valuable than anything you can come up with in your head. This love makes the other person perfect to you, even when you know that no one is ever truly perfect. In my case, it's the love that makes me see how she is the most perfectly beautiful woman in the world. It's the love that makes me want to tell her every second of every day how much of a queen she is to me. How you have the ability to feel their soul, when only speaking intimately with them. To have the, be the purest source of joy and goodness, warmth in all of existence. The one that warms your heart. The one that stirs your soul. The one that makes your heart beat at the most illogical rhythm imaginable. To feel your heart beat faster than moments can pass while at the same time slower than just before not beating. The love that is on your mind the very moment of every day that you wake up. A love that you would do anything to have. A love that you know you could be the perfect person to, and for.
Love A, again, where you literally care about the person in such a way that you can really feel your heart react to the thoughts of how much that person means to you.
Well, I happen to have come across that special person in my life who brings out the fullest potential of both of these types of love in my life. And to add to my luck, she loves me in the same way.
However, to debate my position on hating life, I offer the fact that I no longer have her. No longer have her to tell her I love her every day. I see her so infrequently and miss her every moment of every day. The kicker; she still loves me. But somehow, for some reason, we just can't be together. I can't ever get her off my mind. I wouldn't call it obsession either. She means more than I can possibly state in a sentence with the use of humanistic vocabulary. I hate not having her, but overall I just want her happiness to shine through first. To have her perfectly happy every day. To know that she goes to bed and wakes up with a smile on her face. For her to be treated with all the love and respect in the world and never be let forgotten of how wondrous and amazing she really is. Putting on a mask is something she's done her whole life for many different reasons, and here I am, struggling to keep the thing on each and every day as they pass.
Please, if you've read this, don't try to offer any kind of advice about it or anything. Just take it for what it is. Offer your opinion on the blog, but not on my life, please, at least not this time. Hope it was worth the read.
Stick Around
and I think I'll put my first official blog up tomorrow? Looking forward to it? You should! Well, I mean... you know... unless you don't want to... then don't ;D
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